Anguished Bible CliffNotes: Genesis – Chapter 1


I had an idea for a new posting theme:

The Bible, CliffNotes & You Me



One of the most debated topics of our time.

OK, that should probably read “ANY” time.

And debated by some people? Who just make the topic uncomfortably awkward for all involved…

Or in the near vicinity.

What do I mean by awkward? Oh, I mean that they will often argue their faiths merits to an atheist (i.e. an individual who will NEVER be convinced, so really what is the point other than giving yourself a migraine?) till their last dying breath. While some of these ” true believers”, they are? Uh…Very zealotty at times.

Wait, is that even a word? Hmm.

Sad thing is though, when it comes to some specific types of Christians and their zealotty behavior? Well, the “uncomfortable” part comes in when one realizes EEK! they just haven’t actually, you know, read the bible. Cause that’s crazy talk! I mean, have you seen that thing?

It’s HUGE.

The bible is long, and well, worded kind of weird. Not to mention? Long parts of it are filled with lists and lists of names, and measurements of tabernacles, robes and the placements of potted ferns. Come on, who needs to know that crap?

Seriously? No one does. Not to mention?


What do lists of names and measurements have to do with us—more importantly, ME—getting into heaven?

When it comes to Christians actually reading the bible, fact of the matter is very few people who CLAIM to be Christian, (aside from the quotes taken from what they hear in church on the occasional Sunday, when they can drag their non-devout butts out of bed, after drinking it up in the bar the Saturday before) actually know what is in it.

And boy, let me tell you?

These zealotty, don’t-know-what-the-heck-they-are-talking-about-because-they-failed-to-read-the-one-book-they-just-love-to-preach-about, Christians?

Have no idea what wonders they are missing.

The bible is freaking F A N T A S T I C !!!!

And what we are talking about here, people is, to quote Disney:

‘Phenomenal cosmic powers…itty-bitty living space.’

To say that a lot goes on in this book? Understatement.

I personally love the thing. I have read it? Numerous of times. Darn good book, people…Darn good book!

It covers the beginning of “it all” and goes all the way to the end.

The very end.

As in “close the book, this world is OVA!” type of end.

And as if that wasn’t enough, the bible is also filled with entertaining goodness such as miracles, murder and general mass mayhem.

What’s not to love about that?

But, as a whole, I understand the bible can be a rather imposing, intimidating book. Especially for all of those of you out there who reading is hardhaven’t picked up a book since your graduated high school.


Yeah, it’s hard.

*shakes head sadly*

So, tell you what… We’re going to do this together.

I’ve got a blog, I’ve got the time and heck…Why not?! Like I said, I enjoy the good book. So, breaking it down for you, showing you how I see it? Doesn’t hurt me one bit.

Together, you & I, are going to read the bible.


And we are going to do it in a way that is fun, entertaining and hopefully educational in a way, where, when you go back and go all zealotty on the next atheist you meet? You will hopefully know what you are talking about, a little bit more, instead of just pretending like you do.

How does that sound?



Now, before we get stated just know I am NOT changing anything that can be found in the bible.

In that regard, I am a copy and paste girl. Yes, yes… I fully admit I am about to plagiarize the bible utterly.

So, if the author doesn’t like it, He can sue me to his heart’s content. But, seeing as He already has my soul, not sure what else He can get from me that’s worth diddly, so we are all good there on that score, I think, He & I.

I mention this, only because, for those of you that have not yet read the bible, some of its content may surprise you.

The bible? Yeah, it can get pretty crazy.

It is rife with an abundance of violence & sex, even shockingly to the point where acts of incest, for example, are not only excused…In certain, necessity-to-continue-the-family-line instances? They are celebrated.


See? Craziness.

But let us not get ahead of ourselves.

The way this mutual Biblical journey will go? Consider me Virgil, to your Dante, if you will. (And if you do not know whom I am referring to, thanks to that whole “reading is hard” thing I mentioned above? Shame. On. You!) Along with every section of the bible that you will read, my cliff note comments will be paired to help guide you seamlessly, if not humorously, along the way with a bit of perspective.

And let me be clear…It’s MY perspective. So, if you don’t like it, don’t agree with, thinks it’s stupid? Don’t read it. Simple enough.

Sound like a plan?


Meh…Maybe not a good plan, but right now it’s all we got. Want to get through one complete reading of the bible? No worries, friend, we are going to do it together.

If this posting theme is successful & popular, I will post chapters as I get them finished on a regular basis. A basis which might be awhile, again, cause like I said, the bible is LONG. Very long. Especially the Catholic version, which has a couple of added chapters tossed in for good measure. (Hello, Book of Judith–Looking at you!)


If you are ready, people…We have a long, educational, crazy-fun journey ahead of us.

Without further adieu, lets get to zealotting!

genesis ch 1 part 1

genesis ch 1 part 2

genesis ch 1 part 3

I have always thought that the reason why most people have not read the bible, is because it is not very relatable to them. They see it as an old, very dry read & for some? That makes it just not worth the effort.

I have ALWAYS seen the good book, as a book much worth the effort. Especially? If it can be made to be a bit more approachable for the overall masses.

For me? Humor does that.

And generally, every time I read the bible? My thoughts (as reflected in the cliffnotes above) on what I am reading, are often nothing if not humorous. So…I make the attempt with this posting theme to share those.

With this theme, thus far…

What do you think of my ABC’s theme, featuring the chapter one of the Book of Genesis?

Worth Continuing?

‘Likes’ hold the future of any ABC’s theme postings in its hands, so please…

If you would like ABC’s to continue?

Like away!