Poetic Celebrity Parody – The King Of WikiLeaks, Edition!

WikiLeaks founder speaks from the balcony
Be careful and wear a helmet
Lots of words that sound important
Will be tossed into the air
Some may hit you in the eye
Witch hunt and whack a mole
Not every whistleblower is a rat
But this one is more of the fat cat
Now, holed up in the embassy
His last resort is to give a speech
To his 200 supporters
In his last days as the king of Wiki

[Source]

News Mash: When it comes to food, cat logic, is crazy logic!

Ah HA!

You know that ‘cute’ thing your cat does when it begs for food?

Yeah…

NOT so cute.

Science, gawd love ’em, says your cat is crazy!

[via Jezebel] Cats That Beg Aggressively for Food May Not Be Hungry, Just Psychologically Disturbed ~Doug Barry

A study that presumably involved some degree of science has found that cats aren’t just hungry when they rub up against your legs and meow for food — they could be psychologically disturbed, afflicted, says a histrionic Telegraph, with an “obsession with food has driven [them] to the edge of insanity.” In other words, strap in, cat owners because your Sunday morning is about to get real.


Researchers say, without any apparent irony, that cats that show too much eagerness for food — cats that beg for food by being really friendly and solicitous — might actually be suffering from a psychological condition called “psychogenic abnormal feeding behavior,” or what less erudite observers used to call “very hungry.” The main symptom researchers have identified is “excessive solicitation of interspecific interactions,” but others falling under the umbrella of “food-related aggression,” i.e. jumping onto the table and trying to eat from a plate or eating from another cat’s dish, are also red flags that a cat has an abnormal preoccupation with food. [Read More]

See?

Yeah…

I knew it all along.

News Mash: Red wine? Good for you, if in moderation. If NOT in moderation? Naked party with monkeys!

On the internet…

Science has been having an ongoing debate. The debate? Whether or not red wine is good for you, or bad for you.

The most recent news?

Swings the pendulum back towards the ‘good’ side.

[via CBSLocal] PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – There may be another health benefit drinking red wine.

Scientists report a so-called “miracle molecule” found in red wine might help improve mobility and prevent falls among older adults.

The ingredient is called ‘resveratrol.’ Assistant Professor of Pharmacology at Duquesne University Jane Cavanaugh says they tested the effect on laboratory mice.

“As these animal age, they lose some of their motor coordination. Very similar as to humans do as they age. And when we gave them out the resveratrol, the older mouse has less loss of motor coordination.”

Resveratrol is also found in grapes, blueberries and other dark-skinned fruits.

“We just used blueberries in our study and actually when they eat the whole fruit it’s actually more effective than the resveratrol alone and you don’t need as much.” [Read More]

However…

For all of those of you excited about this wine news?

In all things MODERATION!

Cause that pendulum can easily swing back to the ‘bad’ side with little effort…

And?

A little nakedness and monkeys tossed in – Yikes!

[via DailyMail] A university lab technician was arrested after he was found intoxicated with his pants down, surrounded by two monkeys who had been released from their cages.

Coley Mitchell was discovered by a co-worker sitting in a chair, half-naked, in a locker room at Georgia Health Sciences University on August 13.

Two lab monkeys were found outside of their cages but were confined to the room, according to WJBF News Channel 6.

When police officers asked the 32-year-old to leave the facility, he was aggressive and uncooperative, according to WRDW-TV.

Mitchell was arrested for public drunkenness and booked into the Richmond County Jail.

He was released on August 17 and has since been fired from his post as an animal services employee, according to the Huffington Post.

The monkeys were checked over by a veterinarian and were reportedly unharmed during the ordeal.[Read More – Click here to see mug shots!]

Yeah…

I know exactly what you are thinking. It looks a lot like:

WHA?!

How do you get so drunk, you end up partying naked…

With monkeys?

I honestly don’t get it either. Makes me desperately want to know what this dude was drinking…

So I can make sure to always stay the HELZ away from it.

Jeez.

Leave the pendulum alone people…

No need to swing that way.

Ever.

News Mash: “Oh, oh… Kill-hook Spider! Quick…Spray, spray, SPRAY!”

This is a sad, sad day.

Not only has a new spider been discover…

But a whole new FAMILY of spiders.

And I say ‘family’ because of the nifty *shakes head sadly* little body addition Mother Nature decided to add to…

Cause what?

Like the spider needed this to be any MORE scary?

Pffft…

Just not possible.

[via Geekologie]Really, Mother Nature?: Spider With Claws Discovered

So an entirely new family of spiders have been discovered in an Oregon cave system that have hooked, claw-like appendages on their front legs used for catching prey. It’s a landmark find because it’s the first new family of spiders to be discovered since 1890. Hopefully it will be the last.

The genus name, Trogloraptor, means “cave robber.”
It’s an apt name for a spider with unique hooks, or claws, on its legs, which the researchers believe are used to snatch flying insects, like midges, out of the air. With its legs outstretched, the spider measures up to 3 inches (8 centimeters) long.

“They’re biggish,” Griswold said. “But when you’re in a cave and it’s dark and there’s only the beam of your head lamp, they look much bigger. It’s quite astonishing to see them hanging from a few threads.”

Damn that gave me the heebie jeebies.[Read More]

Or?

Maybe it is!

Spiders with kill-hooks?

Come on, Mother Nature…

Seriously–Why WAS this necessary?!

I tell you, it wasn’t!

And…

In other news?

Science has devised a nasal spray that will keep you from wanting to kill yourself.

[via Gizmodo]Could a Nasal Spray Really Make You Stop Wanting to Kill Yourself? ~Eric Limer

Antidepressants are nothing new, but the U.S. Army is looking into a new way to deliver them. That’s why they gave the University of Indiana $3 million to work on an anti-suicide nasal spray.

The active ingredient here is something called thyrotropin-releasing hormone (TRH), and it’s already shown promise in preventing suicides. The problem is figuring out how to get the stuff into the brain. TRH is able to help with suicidal urges, depression, and bipolar disorder, but as of now, the only effective way to treat people with it is by spinal tap. Nobody wants a spinal tap, especially people who are depressed and suicidal.[Read More]

Notice how I said ‘YOU” there?

Cause, huh, thanks to this Kill-Hook Spider…

Honestly, I am going to need something a LOT more strong than a stupid nasal spray, should I ever run across it…

I’m just sayin’, don’t judge me. *pouts*

Love actually, cause every single day is like, “Woah!”

“No one’s ever going to shag you if you cry all the time.”
~Love Actually

[Source]

“We’ve never got friendly. I just wanted to say I hope that can change. I’m nice, I really am, apart from my terrible taste in pie. And it would be great if we could be friends.”
~Love Actually