Anguished Repose does not, has never, attempted to do a show recap, but as I enjoyed last nights eppie so very much?

I decide to try my hand…

Do not hold any first-time flubs against me, OK?

OK…

Here we go!

American Horror Story, I’m betting, is going to be one of those shows which hides NOT their light under a bushel.

And thanks be to Ryan Murphy, and all his evil minions, for it!

Love it or hate it (and thus far the extremes of the reviews go from the positive end of the spectrum, to the severely negative) AHS is unlike any show presently on TV.

Originality – It has it!

From the start you know what you are in for, thanks to the ratings system which flashed in creepy, epileptic induced background colors (What can I say, I had a moment): TV MA lsv – Language, sexual situations, violence and nudity. Probably could have added the additional letters ‘WTH’, for the many ‘What the hell!?’ moments which happened throughout the viewing of show, you know, just to cover all their bases?

But we’ll get to that later.

Opening shot: The sky and tree branches in 1978. Peaceful. Which is nice because it’s the last bit of ‘peace’ you will experience throughout the show. Nice of the creators of AHS to have given it too us.

Cut immediately to a camera zoom of creepy, vine-covered gates, the back of a little girl in a pretty yellow dress, standing in front of an eerie looking house that you know has to have the address 666 Hell, oh and a wind chime of animal bones hanging from a tree. What Hell home is completely without one of those?

Gotta get me one! *shakes head sadly*

The surreal, creepy setting and the waiting-like atmosphere the House exudes is shattered as if by fate, through the toss of a rock. Two very ginger (First sign that they are going to die), very tweenish and very annoying (Oh, second sign!) twins make the scene.

Marching headlong towards their fate with a devil-may-care attitude, past the warnings of the prophetic girl-child outside, past a tree that hurt no one (at least not yet) and despite the sound of eerie, obvious music (Why is it, that no one hears this stuff? Hello, big clue people, pay attention!) the boys venture into a House which welcomes them in. Absorbs them, the House wraps them in its abandoned embrace almost far too easily.

Until it doesn’t.

First thing is first though. Have bats? Must break stuff!

I think that is a hardened rule written in a tweeny boy books somewhere. So the twins get after it in the house. Carelessly smashing, breaking and slamming to their heart’s content. But the House can only take so much. The boys have had their fun, you see? Now, it’s the House’s turn.

A freshly killed possum lay bleeding on the floor, and severs as the last bit of warning these boys will be gifted with before fate take them firmly by the throat…

And shakes them a little.

But do the twins heed this warning? Nope, and come on, be honest? You didn’t want them to. Some small part of you wants these annoying little buggers to meet their demise, and because you do, you smile just a little when that door to the basement creeps open, inviting them down into it’s very bowels.

Ohhh. Yeah!

And down the stairs the boys go. Wait, what was that? Did the house just laugh a little? Oops, never mind, that was just me.

The basement? A proper place for scares in any worthy haunted house and this one lives up to the hype. It’s full of cobwebs, bloodied tools and jars of the odd human part.

Jarred peaches? So last year!

But with a careless break of one of the jars, via one of the Annoying Twins, we get a quick flash of something running by the doorway, and all in anticipation of the lesson to come: You break it, you pay for it!

Oh, and these Twins will.

The twins separate. Never a smart idea.Who doesn’t know this?

One heads upstairs, leaving the rank smelling basement, for what? Greener pastures? While the other Death-wish Twin stays in the bowels of Hell (always the winning choice), ALONE, to investigate the basement a tad further.

Almost immediately, there is a change in the feel of the show with its first incident of horror. You don’t have to see it happening to KNOW it’s happening. How many horror shows have you watched? This is not new material by any means, but it is executed perfectly!

Attempted-Escapee Twin, pauses halfway up the steps to a nice long life and turns around. making him almost instantly? Dumbest Twin on the Planet. He too feels the shift in the air and calls back for his brother. No response. Fatefully, he goes back down into the bowels of the basement in search of his brother and with that one decision, if you are a horror fan worth your salt? You know this, if nothing else…

“Bad, BAD idea, dude!”

Cause you know what?

Dumbest Twin on the Planet finds Death-wish Twin, much to his dismay.

And he’s not alone?

Death-wish Twin is with, gasping through a bleeding throat, pointing too the thing that just killed him. Mostly I think because Death-wish Twin knows that Dumbest Twin on the Planet couldn’t figure it out without him and its hard to fault his reasoning.

The idiot did go back down into the basement, despite his instincts that told him to run like hell – How smart is that?

So, Dumbest Twin on the Planet takes his dues as exactly that and get eaten by something dark and insidious.

Fair is fair.

The shot fades out, back, to the original shot outside of the little girl, the old house and the vine-mangled gate. The only sound one can hear? The light tapping together of the wind chime of bones.

Fitting, no?

Flashforward: Today.

Introducing Vivien Harmon (Connie Britton), star! Almost immediately we feel bad for her, not only because we immediately understand she has gone through a tragic loss, but because, hello, she is at the gynecologist, her feet are in those cold, metal stirrups, getting a pelvic exam.

Never fun.

While getting an exam however, I can’t help but feel a tinge of foreboding foreshadowing when Viv’s doctor makes the dark comment: “Your body is like a house–You can fix the tiles, in the bathroom and the kitchen, but if the foundation is decaying, you’re wasting your time.”

Cause you see, the other star besides Viv? Definitely the House. And if you don’t believe that? Hey, I know this really nice basement I would like to show you.

Love how the writers immediately set up the comparison between its two main stars right away. And if you doubt existence of the comparison up to this point, once again Viv makes the link clear with the last line she utters before leaving the doctor’s office, “I am not a house.”

Well done. *claps*

How much can a structure take before it crumbles? That question is one that immediately comes to mind when we see Viv arrive home. She hears a suspicious noise, calls 911 like a smart girl, then does the one thing DUMB girls do in horror movies, all the blessed time, that always gets them killed…

She goes to investigate the noise.

*crickets*

Really, Viv? Come on!

The fact that she at least went armed with a big butcher knife does not help improve this random act of stupidity in my mind. Deduction of ‘smart girl points’, my friend. BIG deductions.

Needless to say it is hard for me to feel too bad for her when she discovers her husband, the douchey psychology professor, upstairs in their bedroom giving lessons. And these lessons? Required lots of dick-tations. Poor, Viv…If she would have just waited for the cops she just called after hearing the strange noises, and stayed downstairs? Everything would have been fine, but she didn’t. So ‘no pity points’ here from me either.

You act an idiot, you get what you deserve.

Although no ‘pity points’ are rewarded as a result of what she discovers, ‘smart girl points’ make a huge comback, because Viv slashes her cheating husband with the butcher knife, wordlessly as she turns to walk away, after he chases after her, begging her forgiveness, attempting to stop.

This is introduction we are given to the character Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott)? Not a favorable one at all. Not only is he douchey, but his actions prove he’s an idiot. Dude, seriously? Your wife just busted you banging someone else and she has a knife–A knife!– And not only are you going to be foolish enough to chase after her, but you are then going to be all surprised when she cuts a bitch? Jeez, man…You should only be surprised that she didn’t take that blade after your balls.

I would have, but then again, I get the feeling that Viv has far more structural integrity she initially appeared to have. That counts for a lot.

Vivian Harmon, as characters go, I like her. She is one tough cookie…

And given the theme of the show, I have a feeling?

She is going to have to be.

After the amazingly creepy show intro, filled with old baby pictures and jarred baby parts, we see the Harmon family in full force. All are in a very nice SUV, zipping along the highway to their destination. We are introduced to the last members of the Harmon family we have yet to meet: Gloom & Doomy Daughter, Violet Harmon (Taissa Farmiga) and eternally happy Haley the Harmon dog.

All family members verbally spar and in a comfortable, family-like manner that is always seen on TV, but seldom exists in real-life. Have you ever taken a raid trip with your family? No family is this cheerful together, after hours on the road. None. And because they are, we get the feel of the outwardly presented show of fine family dynamics representing a ‘close knit’ and beautifully ‘happy’ family with close ties, as well as experience the charge of all the underlying issues decaying this broken family from the inside/out.

Love this, because how true to life is it, these lives that we live? Lives which show only beauty on the outside, but on the inside something dark and sinister lurks, waiting.

Just like the House.

And speaking of waiting, the House is doing exactly that..

It waits for them.

The Harmon’s arrive at the specific location of their proverbial and literal doom, er…I mean at the House of their dreams, and ring the bell, “For ‘whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee!”

The Harmon’s are given a tour by the realtor, and we quickly discover that the house has been fully restored, thanks to its previous cliched, gay owners, and much like the family, outwardly the House’s beauty shines, so glossy in polished wood floors and pains of stain glass that lines the doors; however, inside? The decay reveals itself as the realtor discloses to them that the previous owners died in the house: Murder/suicide.

Huge warning flare NOT to get involved with the house, but do the Harmon’s listen? No, they do not.

And part (admittedly a very LARGE part) is grateful…

So very grateful.

Viv and Ben seem momentarily taken aback with the news of the deaths, but the daughter loves it, having just come from the now body-parts-in-jars-free basement, where the previous owners died? “We’ll take it.” She declares.

Yes, my dear…

You will and like it.

OK, maybe not you, but definitely me.

Ya–here comes the horror!

Cut to a scene with movers moving furniture in, and a very guilty looking realtor sliding the words “Sold” a top the realtor sign. Personally, I don’t know what she has to feel guilty about, if you think about it, this chick is cleaning up! She, after all, has sold the same house not once, but twice and all in two years. Who knew haunted houses were so lucrative? Anyone know where I can get one? No? Dang and blast!

Looks like Viv and Ben are getting all settled into their new house, while getting settled back into the happy bonds of matrimony? No so much. Thanks to a very revealing character dynamic bedroom scene, we see that apparently Viv is still pissed and Ben? Yeah, who is still a very douchey smuck who doesn’t get why. I like this scene, you know why? Great writing and so very simple, but it shows SO much without having to tell it outright. Basically, this simple scene is one that trusts me to be a smart viewer. It’s a scene that is very complementary both of the writers and the watchers and I appreciate that. This scene shows just how deep the decay goes within the bonds of this couples relationship.

And boy, its deep!

I appreciate it so much, and the fact that I do, helps the next scene with Violet at school, making it play better than it would have if it followed any another scene. New, odd ball out girl is tortured by punk ‘popular’ mean Girls. Yadda, yadda, yadda! OK, Violet smokes, is cool, can handle herself and is all mocking-fearless when faced with bullies. We get. All points? Totally cliche. But we also get? Violet is not the star of the show. This scene could not have made that fact any more obvious. Probably one of the scenes I liked least out of tonight’s first AHS episodes, but as I see its purpose, which is a very surface depiction of Violet… Since it worked? Moving on to far more interesting things.

“You’re going to die in here.” Ya, (in case we missed the obvious) the girl from the introduction is back and wearing a yellow sweater. Odd, that I never considered yellow a creepy color up until now, but thanks AHS writers, now I do.

While Viv is busy uncovering murals which were papered over by artsy, gay dead couple (for obvious reason once you see them – Yikes!) our favorite girl in yellow makes her go-to creeper comment, with a once again awesome delivery. And speaking of awesome…

Oh My God – JESSICA LANGE!

…

Damn good character introduction, damn good and just spot on for dear Jessica! Now this is an actress who portrays so very much, so many layers with lines if given to anyone else? Would totally make them one dimensional. That look Viv gives the character Constance (Jessica Lange) as she just strolls into her house? Very much the look I had on my face as the scene plays out in its entirety, as Constance introduces us to her ‘monster’ of a daughter, Adelaide, makes racist remarks, says she’s a good Christian right before she makes the remark ‘Jesus H Christ’, steals silverware, has a creepy fixation on the material as well as the outward signs of perfection, doesn’t seem to get personal boundary space, admits to being a proud Southern, likes to put things IN A JAR ON A SHELF *cough/cough* and generally comes across to be the weird neighbor from Hell (the one nobody wants, but if you get her, Criminal Trespass Police Protection orders will become an issue at a later date, you just know it) right before she leaves, as dramatically as she came in? Constance presents our dear Viv with a housewarming gift of ‘sage’ to clear the bad juju out of the air, proving she knows far more what is going on in the House than those who just bought it.

As introductions go, for characters? Best. Ever. In my mind no one could freak me out, make me as oddly uncomfortable as Jessica Lange’s Constance, and all under five minutes. Wow. Favorite scene of the night! Bar none.

Apparently Viv was a freaked out by Constance as I was, because when next we see her, she is dilligently using the sage Constance left as a parting gift. Burning it at its end, Viv begins to make her way throughout the house…

Then up into the attic.

ADHD Sidebar: I am not sure why houses have attics, now that I think of it. Nothing good is ever discovered in them.

And this one? No exception. Viv discovers nothing good in this one and in fact screams when she discovers a kinky sex black latex body suit, from the previous owners hanging, in full view in the attic.

Viv asks Douchey Ben to get rid of it, and obediently he does, pitching it in a trashcan out front.  I get that some people are into the craziest of things, but this thing, seriously? Burn it with fire, dude.

The fact that they didn’t will come back to haunt them. Never doubt it. Have you seen the promo shots of this show? No, that black latex suit is going nowhere, except possibly my dreams to give me nightmares for years to come.

Apparently I am not the only one with nightmares that might becoming an issue. Next we meet Tate (Evan Peters), who is a Douchey Ben psych patient who has had a few nightmares himself, and dressed all in black, just not black latex (Big distinction) we see visions in Tate’s dreams as he describes them. In Tate’s dreams, he goes to school and kills lots of people, his friends, in order to ‘help’ them.

Obviously Tate’s definition of help differs from the definition the rest of the world uses for ‘help’. Tate, we quickly learn by listening to the young man speak, is a full-blown psychopath. And pffft, what better thing to have come over regularly to see you in your Haunted House, I ask you, than your very own Norman Bates? Like puppies and rainbows, unicorns and skipping, psychos and Haunted Houses are a match made in heaven…

Just not.

In fact this scene was so perfectly portrayed, with is very straightforward writing, quick flashes of Tate seeing himself dead over his psychiatrist’s shoulder (Good gamble that therapy is NOT working at this point), and on a quick flash-forward where we see him advising the Harmon daughter on the proper way to commit suicide, that I was almost as sacred of Tate, by scenes end, as I was unsettled by the Haunted House.

And that’s saying something, cause that first opening sequence with the twins? Was still freaking me out at this point. I had a light on by my side and my samurai sword in my right hand. What? *looks at sword, shrugs* What single woman’s security system is complete with a samurai sword. I love horror shows, and I live alone…

Do not judge me.

Now that all the introductions of the main players are out-of-the-way? Yeah, it’s time for the House to start having some fun and that it does?

First order of business? Eerie whispers. No kidding. No idea what they said, but whatever it was, it got Duchey Ben out of bed and down the stairs, to play with fire and all the while in a catatonic state.

ADHD sidebar: Who gives a psychiatrist therapy if he needs it?

“Am I on a trip?” Douchey Ben asks his wife, who has come downstairs to retrieve her sleepwalking husband.

Not yet, Ben, but you will be.

Soon.

Wait until you meet Moira Hara, the housekeeper. “What house keeper?” You wonder, oh the one that just wondered up outside while Viv was hanging out the sheets to dry. Absolutely normal. *shakes head sadly*

A stranger wandering up? Nope, that’s not suspicious. And the fact that this old, one dead eye wanderer, says stuff like “Mistreat the house and you will regret it.” Nope, not suspicious either. Seriously Viv, back again we go to losing ‘smart girl points’. Do not invite that old woman into your home. In fact stab a clothespin into her good eye and run like hell!

But no, not going to do that, are you, Viv? Anyone raise their hand, reading this, if you think Viv will regret this action later on!

Yeah…

Me too.

Viv invites Old One-Eyed Moira into her home and immediately says she doesn’t want to gossip, but then begins to gossip about the previous owners. Old One-Eyed Moira knows far too much, but does Viv notice. No, she does not. Nor does she notice the odd way her husband is looking at old One-Eyed Moira, in a very Douchey Ben like fashion. But surely that can’t be right, she’s old, what would Douchey Ben see in an old women to attract him? Nothing, that’s what. Well, it would be ‘nothing’ if that is indeed what Douchey Ben saw, Old One-Eyed Moira, that is, but the house is tricky, you see, and has plans…

Very devious plans and we see what team Old One-Eyed Moira is playing on, Team House, and when Douchey Ben looks at her, we see HE sees in place of Old One-Eyed Moira, and that is a sexy siren implanted to tempt him and his douchey-self and in the uniform of whores everywhere, French maid.

Somebody is in trouble!

And it’s not the House.

The trouble compiles, ever deeper, as our resident psychopath Tate, Normal bates Lite, takes another spin on the good Douchey Doctor’s couch and we delve into 1)The picture begins to become startling clear that yes, this boy is a hopeless evil vat of black goo inside, 2)He has a thing for the odd-ball, good Dochey Doctor Ben’s daughter, Cutter Girl and 3)Douchey Ben now stands in the way of Tate’s twisted love.

Oh. Noz.

For all involved, this cannot turn out well at all. Psychos in love? “If you love someone, you should never hurt them…Never.” Or so says Tate to Violet – Sweet nothings indeed. More foreshadowing? You betcha! This dangerous foreshadowing was only confirmed as Tate ran screaming “Bullet, bullet, bullet!”, stomping down the the stairs, after he is ejected out of the house, after Douchey Ben catches Normal Bates-Tate and Cutter Girl together.

I have to say, given all that is conspiring against him? The fate of Douchey Ben not looking real great at this point. Nope.

Especially considering the Old One-Eyed Moira ‘add-to’, when she doesn’t take long in playing a part in his doomed downfall once Douchey Ben catches Young Moria (but only in his eyes) taking a much need ‘break’ from the strains of her duties and, legs tossed wide, sets aside what I can only assume is a large portion of her break, to ‘relieve’ the stress of the day and in ways I’m betting was NOT added into her work contract…

Just saying.

Immediately upon walking in on her, Douchey Ben flees, because he’s douchey and obviously cannot control himself and quickly sets about relieving his OWN stress, crying as he does it, because yes, he knows he is douchey.

The truth hurts, bub. I feel no pain for you.

Douchey Ben’s pity party, table for one, is broken up however, when somehow he hears the whispers of a peeper outdoors, “Your family is in danger” in the backyard, on the bottom floor…

‘Stress relief’ caused sensory deprivation, not improved them? Wow, who knew.

And so Douchey Ben, once he cleans himself up, wipes himself off, grabs some drawers, throws on a rob runs out to check out the man threatening his family.

A guy, after all, has to have his priorities.

And the House definitely has its.

Right now, the House is revealing itself degree by slow degree.

Viv enters the kitchen, fresh from market and begins to unload all of items from the bags on the counter, only to turn around and discover all of her pantry doors and drawers in the kitchen have opened seemingly by themselves and all at once…

But have they?

Nope Adelaide is caught laughing at the door. Viv runs over to confront her, but Addy keeps right on laughing, pointing at the Twins, a mangled bloody mess peeping out from behind Vivien’s back, and gee…

Just when I though the house was going to let me forget about those two. No luck there.

None.

Viv and Douchey Ben are having little luck with Constance and Addy either, when they sit them down to have a talk with them about trespassing. (See, told you one of those Police orders would come in handy)

Addy seems to just not get that she did anything wrong, is not wanted and what she did was wrong. No, all she gets? Is that she wants to pet the pooch, Haley.

Viv puts her foot down, makes demands then asks Constance and Addy to leave. Viv is far more fierce than she looks. Nevertheless, here it’s Jessica Lange that steals the show once more and gives one more ‘bang-up’ delivery after she threatens Viv for putting her hands on her daughter. And not to be left out, Adelaide makes threats of her own.

An air of menace ripples for not only the human Harmon’s, but now for their little dog too.

Dammit.

Do NOT hurt the dog!

But no matter how much I wish it wouldn’t happen, I fear it is only a matter of time. You see? The dog bit Addy. “She shouldn’t have done that.” No, she really shouldn’t have.

Poor doggie. Should I say good-bye now to Haley or save it for later?

For that matter should I say good-bye to Douchey Ben now or later, cause? Just as Douchey Ben is on the phone trying to report psycho Tate to the police, in walks One-Eyed Moira, looking all sexy and young and too much for Douchey Ben to resist, cause hello–Douchey!

His daughter of course (almost forgot about her) walks in on him in a very uncomfortable position with old, One-Eyed Moria (as the daughter sees her) and Douchey Ben pushes sexy Moria away, to race after his daughter. He doesn’t catch her.

But besides having walked in on her dad macking on an old lady, which is enough to cause deep traumatic scarring in and of itself, we see that Violet is still having hell in school, getting jumped on by three ‘popular’ Mean Girls, getting the crap beat out of her. She is literally fighting to survive.

She is not the only one. Viv is finishing uncovering all of the murals the previous owners covered up. It is twisted and as dark as the house. Full of pictures of demons, children and old men. Douchey Ben asks his wife if they upset her, due to the murals twisted nature. Oddly, Viv says she is “comforted by them”. Damn, Douchey Ben–You are so screwed right now! You know that, right?

And after their talk, screwed is exactly what Ben is as he and Viv, after the passions escalate as the result of a fight battling through issues that resulted in Viv’s miscarriage of their son, fall into a passionate embrace,  serving as a temporary surface repair, for sure to their relationship.

Decay, you see, still lurks underneath.

Douchey Ben to Viv: “We’er going to be happy here.”

No Douchey Ben, you’re really not.

A lot more relaxed, for obvious reasons, Viv putters around the kitchen just as Violet comes in, looking a tad worse-for-wear after her altercation at school. Forehead bleeding slightly, mom notices, sits her down and patches her up. Good mom! We also see a chat between Viv and Violet that reveals much about their relationship. 1)Violet is scared of nothing whereas Viv is scared of everything, 2)Violet thinks her Dad is a sh*thead, and her Mom agrees t an extent…He was. But boodie-calls tend to lessen the douchieness by degrees, although they really shouldn’t. You see, douches do not change and 3)Viv and Violet are close. In fact I can almost guarantee the relationship between these two is the healthiest, most positive relation out of all the rest of the relationships on this show.

I state that fairly confidently.

In fact this healthy, positive relationship between mother and daughter is only highlighted all the more by the extremes of the negative relationship in the scenes that follows, where we see Violet complain to Tate about the Mean Girls in school, and their subsequent treatment therein, where Norman Tate quickly advises her to kill them, cause yes, ‘killing’ is my first ‘go-to’ for problems for people as well–What, it’s normal?! *shakes head sadly* OK, if killing is out? At least scare the crap out of them “Helter-Skelter” with his help.

And um, you remember what Norman Tate’s definition of ‘help’ was right?

Scary.

Scarier?

Black latex man, whom Vivian mistaken assumes is her husband, stands in their bedroom doorway where Viv is getting ready for bed.

This scene does provide a helpful life lesson: Always make sure the person covered head to foot in black latex is your spouse or significant other BEFORE you get your freak on.

Headless of this smart helpful life lesson to live by, Viv drops her rob, ready for round two with her ‘husband’, willing to get her freak on…

Unfortunately?

Her husband is downstairs, once again, playing with fire.

Anyone else sensing a theme with him here?

Creepy black latex man works Viv over upstairs in the bed, while having flashes of dead babies from the murals downstairs (How romantic! *no*) and all the while sleepwalking Douchey Ben interrupted from his foreplay with  fire, by Constance, who utters “Now is not your time.” Giving the impression that Constance knows exactly when his time will be. She then tells him to “Enjoy the house” but I have a feeling she meant, let the House enjoy you.

A feeling that is only reaffirmed by the fact that upstairs, with Douchey Ben’s wife, the House is doing exactly that.

Enjoying.

Yikes!

And not only upstairs, where the House really getting a feel for the Harmon family, but its getting a feel downstairs as well…

Violet delivers one of the Mean Girls, their ring leader, to the basement to give her a good scare, but mean Girl Number 1 isn’t the only one that gets one. Violet does too, as the House takes a little taste of all the goods the Harmon’s have to offer it, along with that feel it just copped.

And It likes.

Violet? Likes not so much and thinking Norman Tate is to blame, she kicks him out of the house after mean Girl Number 1 leaves screaming, a bloody mess.

“I thought you weren’t afraid of anything?” Tate screams not a little madly after her, as Violet flees.

Well, maybe she wasn’t before but she is now. The danger, you see, the evil? Is becoming quite tangible.

Never more so? Than when Douchey Ben is out running and is followed by a severely scarred man, the same one who had whispered warnings about his family earlier. Douchey Ben sneaks up behind him, catches and when threats are made against your family, what else are you going to do, but sit down and chat with a man stalking you?

Makes perfect sense to me!

Douche.

The man’s name is Larry Harvey (Denis O’Hare) and once again he warns Douchey Ben that he has to get out of that house, but Douchey Ben, firmly commited at this point of being Douchey Ben, ignores him. Not understanding the depths of his douchiness, Larry tries to convince him via story,one that involves what happened to him when he lived in the House there with his own family…

You see, he too was prone to sleepwalking. So much so, it lead to the deaths of his family, because during one of his sleepwalking events, he set his family on fire and killed them all. The whispers, you see, told him to do it and he followed their command like an obedient child.

The whispers he began to hear six months after they moved into that house, but wrote them off as him being ‘overworked’. Whispers he knows Douchey Ben must be hearing as well, from his reaction alone. Larry asks, begs and pleads Douchey Ben to look into his case, read the transcript.

Douchey Ben does not wish to hear and threats Larry to stay away from his family, or else…

He will go all Douchey on him and seriously, who wants that?

The last words Larry utters to Douchey Ben, before Douchey Ben shags? “You have to get out of there. That place is evil.”

Douchey Ben runs away with those last, final words ringing in his ears, and Larry smiles after him knowingly.

OK, Lar…What’s with the knowing smile?

Larry isn’t the only one who knows far more than they’d like to pretend otherwise. Take Constance, the eerie neighbor, currently in Viv’s jewelry stealing earrings. She is busted by One-Eyed Moria who warns Constance away, but not before Constance gives Moria a warning of her own. Stay out of her way, say nothing, else, “I would move if I were you. Don’t make me kill you again.”

Yep…

Favorite line of the NIGHT!

Jessica Lange, you rock!

And with that line, without a doubt we know things on AHS are about to get crazy interesting…

Especially considering Viv, before the closing and this magnificent first episode, reveals to Douchey Ben that she is pregnant. Fantastic, happy news! *shakes head sadly*

The question you must be asking yourself now is, “By whom?”

As first episodes go, this one? Exceeded all my expectations and to the point that American Horror Story has become my number one show to watch this fall.

Cannot wait for more…

Jessica Lange!

But yeah, I will take all of the others too, if I have to.