KellyGaga

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Eat Your Cake, Edition!

Kelly Osbourne Tells Lady Gaga to “Eat My S***” After Singer Sends Birthday Cake

It looks like Kelly Osbourne does not want a slice of Lady Gaga‘s cake. The stylish E! staple is simply fuming after the “Applause” singer presented her with a sweet peace offering– received indirectly through the birthday girl’s also-famous mom.

Gaga,
You lying snake!
Take this special cake that I baked,
Fill your mouth
Until you pass out!
I know what you are all about
Lying hypocrite
I spread love
You spread sh**
Hashtag #Hissy fit

KellyGaga

[Source]

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Love your face, Edition!

Gothic rocker Marilyn Manson is known for his intense look, complete with spooky, dark makeup and mismatched colored contacts, but in a new shot from the Eastbound & Down set, the singer, 44, is fresh faced and makeup free.

Masks
They helps us cope
When that inside voice
Tell us about our invisible imperfections
We then carry them daily
To hide our real I
Until they became our face

Love your face before it turns into a ridiculous mask

Marlyn Manson

[Source]

Paula Deen II

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Melting Like Deep Fried Butter, Edition!

Once upon a time
My gooey butter cake was cherished
I was a queen of pots and pans
And deep fried pecan pies
I used butter by the tons
Added a sugar by the pounds
I cook and I fed the thousands
To no end
Now in this sad hour
Like deep-fried butter
I am melting
In a deep fryer
Like burned toast
I am scorched
Like spiral sliced ham
I am cut to the last bite
Close the kitchen
My goose is cooked

Paula Deen II

[Source]

I am fed

Poetic Celebrity Parody: “I am FED!” Edition!

Ow, my head
I see redBecause of Kim, I bled
And now of this whole charade?
Oh…
I am FED!

I am fed [Source]

As in fed all the ‘F’ up of all this paparazzi/Kardashian crap!

Ugh.

Get me the hell outta here!!!!

[via TheSuperficial]If you haven’t seen the feel good viral video of the weekend yet, here’s Kanye West banging his head off a street sign while trying to walk into a restaurant like a badass while Kim Kardashian waddles in front of him carrying the child he can’t wait to be nothing but a paycheck to. Even better is when Kanye comes back out and decides to throw a goddamn hissy fit because clearly it’s the paparazzi’s fault for making him believe depth perception is for punk bitches. Then again, they probably put that bright red sign there as trap. It’s practically a ninja.[Read More – Click HERE To See The Video!]

trump 2

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Trump that, Edition!

Urban Dictionary: trump

1. trump Northern to midlands slang for a fart.
Jon Stewart has a lot of fans — but Donald Trump is not one of them. After a bit of back-and-forth between the two, beginning with a tweet from the real estate tycoon and culminating in a joke at his expense during theDaily Show on Wednesday, May 1, Trump again took to Twitter to voice his less-than-favorable opinions of the comedian. 
“If Jon Stewart is so above it all & legit, why did he change his name from Jonathan Leibowitz? He should be proud of his heritage!” the Celebrity Apprentice boss wrote on Friday, May 3.

 

 

What’s your name
You phony Steward
Hiding behind the false names
Me
On other hand
I am proud of mine
It trumps over any other
I am an old fart

trump 2

[Source]

Druggie loser

Poetic Celebrity Parody – I like the drugs, more than my baby’s hugs!

I do not know why I like the drugs
But I like it more than my baby’s hugs
I do not care if I’m of drugs
I will sip it from jugs
And carelessly shrug
Until I am stoned like a squashed slug
A dead bug
On a rug
So Denise, you can keep…

My baby’s hugs!

Druggie loser

[Source]

[via DailyMail]Brooke Mueller ‘refusing’ to go to rehab for drug addiction after Denise Richards is awarded temporary custody of her twins ~By Alison Moodie

Brooke Mueller is refusing to seek professional help for her drug addiction despite losing custody of her young sons with Charlie Sheen on Thursday night out of fear that her drug use is jeopardising their safety.

Sheen’s other ex-wife Denise Richards is to take on the care of twins Bob and Max, four, after social workers from the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services removed them from the home of their mother Brooke because of allegations her drug use is putting them in harm’s way.

But the 35-year-old is said to be in denial about the severity of her drug addiction, a source told RadarOnline.

…[Read More]

Your visage is in the midst of some slippage

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Your visage is in the midst of some slippage!

Not as easy as it used to be
The way that the music comes to me
I will be rockin’ till my grave
For if its my music that you crave
Stand strong and be brave
My age might be a little scary
But there is no need for you to be wary
I will be rocking for years to come
My soul defies the young
It’s only my terrifying visage…

Which shows any noticeable slippage!

Your visage is in the midst of some slippage[Source]

Cheap

Poetic Celebrity Parody – For one full day, Edition!

When you’re an Oscar winner and you’re making millions of dollars for every movie, the idea of living on only $1.50 a day probably seems impossible. But that’s not stopping Ben Affleck, who has signed up to take the Live Below the Line challenge next week.
That’s right, for at least one full day, the big star will keep his food and drink costs below what many pay for just a 12-ounce can of soda. And it’s all for a very good cause — he’ll be raising awareness and funds relating to extreme poverty for The Global Poverty Project.
We’re expecting to see the 40-year-old, as well as his counterparts, tweeting their experiences, as well as what they’re eating and drinking, throughout next week on their personal accounts, as well as @LBLUS.

For one full day
Ben has to give his privilege away
For one full day
He has to play
A poverty stricken man
Poor Ben
Will have to eat his ramen noodles
Without champagne
Lets pray that
This will never ever happened again
For Ben!

Cheap

[Source]

Prince William

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Prince or Frog, Edition!

Kissing a prince is what all little girls dream of, right? Maybe not.

On Thursday, a 4-year-old Scottish girl ducked out of the way when Prince William swooped in to give her a kiss during a two-day visit to Scotland where he and Kate visited local residents. While saying hello to the girl who was waving a flower around, Prince William asks her, “Is that for me? Is that for Katie? Yeah, you can give it to her.” Then he adds, “You look very pretty. Do you want a kiss?”

As the crowd gives a collective “Aw…” Prince William leans in only to have the little girl squirm away. “Oh no!” says Prince William. “See? Next time, sugar, next time,” he says.

Every girl dreams to kiss a prince
Not really
What will convince this little girl
Not to wince
And reject a kiss from the prince
I think she got her fairy tales wrong
When you kiss the prince
You don’t became a frog
Or?
Better not to know!

Prince William

[Source]

Watch the video.  It is hilarious.

Sean Lowe

Poetic Celebrity Parody – I am not a diva, Edition!

He may be covered in sequins on Dancing With the Stars, but Sean Lowe isn’t as high maintenance as TMZwants its readers to believe. On March 24, the website claimed the reigningBachelor demanded to be filmed from certain angles, talked down to crew members and bragged to his fellow competitors, “This show needs me!”

I like to dance
Cha cha cha
Jive and foxtrot
Tango and bosanova
I can dance them all
But I am not a diva
Just a guy in sequins
Who can bust a move
Boogieing
Grooving
Dancing
But be sure to film my right profile
Or I will step hard on your toes

Sean Lowe

[Source]

Satan

Poetic Celebrity Parody – ‘Satan Who?!’ Edition!

The History Channel miniseries “The Bible” made headlines on Sunday – but not for its huge ratings.

Some on Twitter said actor Mohamen Mehdi Ouazanni – who plays Satan on the miniseries – resembled President Barack Obama, something the producers do not agree with.”This is utter nonsense. The actor who played Satan, Mehdi [Ouazaani], is a highly acclaimed Moroccan actor. He has previously played parts in several Biblical epics – including Satanic characters long before Barack Obama was elected as our President,” Executive Producers Mark Burnett and Roma Downey said in a statement.

In the eyes of beholder
Virgin Mary is on the boulder
Jesus on the candle holder
Obama is Satan on the TV
An evil personified
An arch enemy of God
Bonafide
With black hood and black skin
Deceiver of the humanity
People see what they want to see
We will never agree on this insanity
Some see Satan
Some see Obama

 

Satan

[Source]

Sizzurp

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Sizzurp, What’s Up? Edition!

TMZ reported: ‘Sources say there’s evidence Wayne went on a Sizzurp binge after being released Wednesday, because doctors found high amounts of codeine in his system.’
This is not the first time the singer has suffered from seizures.
Back in October, Wayne was onboard a flight from Texas to LAX when he started to convulse.
The flight was immediately diverted to Louisiana where he was admitted to hospital.

What’s up
Sizzurp
Party, party hard
Get you guard
Down
Hip hop
Hip hop
Lets get high
Take a sizzurp
Have your seizures
Non stop non stop
Until you drop
You stupid stupid guy

Sizzurp

[Source]

Kris

Poetic Celebrity Parody – An Evil Mastermind, Edition!

Not so happy families: Kris’ uncle revealed that he thought Kim’ mum, Kris Jenner, was an ‘evil mastermind’

An evil mastermind
Working from behind the door
Sends her daughters
To steal money, diamonds and souls
She yells
More, more, more
Rotten to the core
The material wealth is all
She ever asks for
Her looks are deceiving
Her smile is full of gore
Luckily
Her evil empire is starting
To self destroy
 

Kris

[Source]

Selena Gomez

Poetic Celebrity Parody – Happy to be free, Edition!

Happy to be free
Life without that lunatic
Is everything I dreamt to be
While he still lives in the bubble
Getting in trouble after trouble
I am beaming with the glee
Happy to be free

Selena Gomez

[Source]