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News Mash: The rise of certain technologies, when it comes to nature? Scary, creepy stuff!

For every million things technology can come out with…

To make itself indispensable to man?

There are just as many technological advances…

We do NOT need.

Such as?

Sexting cows.

It’s a thing now.

[via GizmodoCows Can Now Booty Call Their Farmers

Farming cows is a thankless task; keeping track of their fertility sounds funny, but it’s what keeps meat in your burger and milk on your cereal. Fortunately, mobile technology means that cows can now drop their farmers an SMS when they’re feeling frisky. That’s right. Bovine sexting has arrived.

A new intelligent collar has been designed by researchers from the University of Strathclyde, Scotland, that uses the same sensor as the Wii to keep track of a cow’s movement and activity,reports PhysOrg. From that movement, the scientists have been able to work out the characteristic behavior of cows when they’re ready to get it on, as well as other, more boring, things, like when the they’re going in to labor. [Read More]

Word of advice however?

Don’t let any ostriches get a hold of these collars.

Especially in YOUR presence.

You will not like the messages you receive.

[via io9] That ostrich over there? It is totally into you.

No, seriously. The next time you find yourself at an ostrich ranch (yes, they exist, and yes, they are everything you ever dreamed they could be and more), there’s a pretty decent chance of you getting hit on by an ostrich.

Evidently, being raised entirely by humans (as is standard operating procedure on ostrich farms) has a significant impact on the disposition of the big, flightless birds. What kind of impact? The sort of impact that leads ostriches to believe that a human would make for a fine mate. Neurotic Physiology’s Scicurious explains:

Courtship behavior in ostriches takes two forms. The male will do a little courtship dance, flapping his wings out, squatting down, and waving his neck back and forth. At this signal, if the female likes what she sees, she’ll flap her wings backward, while bending her neck forward, and making a clapping noise with her beak. And it turned out that the farmers [at Hangland Farms, in the UK] were noticing MORE of this behavior when they were present. Was it possible that the farmers were turning the ostriches on???

Of course, scientists were called in to investigate, and a research team headed up by ostrich-expert Charles Deeming set about determining whether these ostriches were getting fresh with their human handlers:

…the scientists set up observation stations near several ostrich enclosures (the ostriches were grouped as one male to two females). They carefully kept THEMSELVES well out of sight and sound of the ostriches. Then they had humans walk by the enclosures, either relatively distant, or right up near the fence. As the humans walked by, the scientists watched the birds to see what they did.

And those ostriches…were happy to see the humans. Very happy. In fact, both female AND male ostriches solicited sex more than twice as often when the humans were nearby. 70% of the ostriches reliably hit on the humans when they were around. Turns out that being raised by humans can change what an ostrich is attracted to. The only exception to this was their control ostrich, a male which had been raised in Africa and then imported to the farm. He studiously ignored all humans, unless they got too close, in which case he was much more likely to be aggressive.

[Read More]

And if you DO like the messages you receive from the ostriches, via the new intelligent collar, when they look at you?

Awkward.

At least for me…

And because?

You’re very creepy.

Jeez…

I feel dirty just thinking about it.

Please…

Make the thoughts STOP!

*curls into defensive ball*