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News Mash: So, spiders have personalities? Sure… EVIL ones.


Gotta love Scientists…

And their blatant attempt at making spiders?

Less scary and more personable.

Prepare yourself for…

Abject FAILURE:

[via DailyMail]Spiders have PERSONALITIES too: Arachnids found to have character traits ranging from ‘timid’ to ‘aggressive’

  • U.S. researchers found a spider’s personality not only determines the creature’s well-being, but contributes to the success of failure of its society
  • University of Pittsburgh biologists established three colonies in Tennessee with docile and aggressive couples of spiders
  • The docile colony thrived at once but lacked aggressive spiders to defend it, acting like an immune system and died out before the end of the study

By Sarah Griffiths

A large house spider might seem like a thoughtless killing machine, but a team of biologists claim arachnids have distinct personalities.

While some individuals might be aggressive, other arachnids could be naturally ‘timid’ and docile’,the researchers said.

They studied social grass spiders and found that a spider’s personality not only determines the creature’s survival, but contributes to the success of failure of its society.

Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh, led by Jonathan Pruitt, found the spiders could be timid or aggressive and prone to sexual cannibalism.

While most spiders live solitary lives and territorial of their webs, a handful of species live in social groups where females share the upkeep of the web as well as jobs like raising their young and defending their home from intruders.

The study, which took six years and was published in journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, in July, examined sociable grass spiders.

…[Read More]

Honestly?

Scientists should have known this attempt would NEVER work.

Cause, uh–Hello!!!!–spiders have 8 hairy legs, fangs that inject you with venom, so they can drink out your insides and have a bunch of beady, soulless eyes.

You just can’t fix all that wrong, by saying, “Oh, but they have great personalities!”

That’s what my BFF told me, regarding the last blind date she fixed me up on?

*no*

And it didn’t improve, on well, that THING either.

Ew.

Spiders, no matter how Science tries to pitch them, regarding their “personalities”?

Will always be scary.

Because?

Sure they have personalities, but if their personalities are evil…

And I say “evil” for the simple fact that they are apparently trying to kill you, by sabotaging your Toyota, & triggering your airbag to PUNCH you in the face:

[via Wired]Happy Arachtober! There Are Spiders in Your Car! ~ Gwen PearsonUp next

Ah, the smells and sights of fall. Crisp leaves, pumpkin spice flavored everything, and … spiders. Spiders everywhere. This massive car recall from Toyota left out one important detail: SPIDERS.

“Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A. … announced it will conduct a voluntary safety recall of approximately 803,000 2012-2013 vehicles… In the involved vehicles, water from the air conditioning condenser unit housing could leak onto the airbag control module and cause a short circuit … In some instances, the air bag(s) could become disabled or could inadvertently deploy.”

Cindy Knight, Toyota’s media contact for recalls, patiently let me pester her with spider questions this afternoon. It’s clear that an as-yet unnamed species of spider found some air conditioning drainage tubes to be an ideal place to spin a web. That makes sense to me, as a spider-watcher: It’s warm under a car, it’s dark, it’s damp — it’s the perfect spider habitat.

Those webs caused a drain blockage, and a resulting leak is blamed for shorts causing three airbag misfires and 35 warning light activations. Toyota preemptively issued a recall when the arachnid issue was discovered. Sadly, although understandably, Toyota seems more focused on fixing the electrical short than actually collecting and identifying the spider species responsible.

…[Read More]

Evil personalities endears nothing to…

NO ONE.

So?

Stop trying to improve upon the reputation of spiders, Science.

It’s just not going to happen.

Ever.

Never-ever.

Never-ever, never,never, ever-never-ever.

Just…

NO.

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